Saturday, October 04, 2008

Obama's Cabinet

Since His Highness appears to have a strong possibility of winning next month, I thought I would give him some suggestions for his cabinet:

Secretary of State: Jeremiah Wright. He can mollify our European critics by going over there and repeating his "GOD DAMN AMERICA!" sermon.

Secretary of the Treasury: Bawney Fwank. Someone has to do something about all the people made homeless by home foreclosures. Bawney will set up two new privately-owned GSEs called Fwankie Bawn and Jamma Obama. Their debts will be fully guaranteed by the government and they will purchase mortgages made to people who cannot afford them.

Secretary of Defense: William Ayers. He will order the Air Force to bomb the Pentagon, thus sparing himself and al-Qaeda the trouble.

Attorney General: Maxine Waters. She can encourage blacks to assault and murder whites, like she did during the 1992 Rodney King riots in Los Angeles, and then get them acquitted by all-black juries.

Secretary of the Interior: Al Gore. He will push for a ban on all carbon emissions. This will include outlawing all carbon-based fuels including petroleum and natural gas. Farting will also be outlawed.

Secretary of Agriculture: Michael Espy.

Secretary of Commerce: Barnard Sanders. Will call for complete nationalization of all businesses in the USA.

Secretary of Labor: Dennis Van Roekel, current president of the NEA teachers' union.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Joycelyn Elders. Her top priority will be a program to teach children to masturbate.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Franklin Raines.

Secretary of Transportation: Al Cowlings. His experience as OJ Simpson's chauffeur will be invaluable.

Secretary of Energy: Jane Fonda. Her expertise in all energy-related matters was made evident when she starred in The China Syndrome.

Secretary of Education: Richard Brodhead, currently president of Duke University. He knew what to do with those rich honkies who played lacrosse.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs: John Kerry. He can go before Congress and testify how our soldiers in Iraq had personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, taped wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned up the power, cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed villages in fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan, shot cattle and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged the countryside of Iraq.

Secretary of Homeland Security: Ayman al-Zawahiri.


Gary Baumgarten said...

Joycelyn Elders will be my guest on News Talk Online on Paltalk at 5 PM New York time Friday October 9.

To talk to her please go to and click on the Join the Show link.


Gary Baumgarten said...

Yes I KNOW. Tomorrow is actually the 10th not the 9th.