North Korea Launches Taepodong-2 Missile

In the spirit of Juche, the North Korean regime has successfully tested an intercontinental missile capable of hitting Alaska with a nuclear warhead:

SEOUL, South Korea – North Korea defiantly carried out a provocative rocket launch Sunday that the U.S., Japan and other nations suspect was a cover for a test of its long-range missile technology.
Liftoff took place at 11:30 a.m. (0230GMT) Sunday from the coastal Musudan-ri launch pad in northeastern North Korea, the South Korean and U.S. governments said. The multistage rocket hurtled toward the Pacific, reaching Japanese airspace within seven minutes, but no debris appeared to hit its territory, officials in Tokyo said.
The U.N. Security Council approved an emergency session for Sunday afternoon in New York, following a request from Japan that came minutes after the launch.

When pressed for his response, President 0bama promised "massive retaliation" by holding his breath until his face turns blue and his ears stick out even farther.